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By request:

Post Surgery

Ok, it's been 3 weeks since Rowan's surgery so I thought I should recap now or never do it.

The weeks and days leading up to the surgery got heavier for us as the time approached. Graham could sense that mama and daddy were not quite the same and he acted a little differently because of it. He was a little more clingy than normal and so were we. Anytime you do heart surgery there is a chance of mortality, and I think that both of us were focusing on that chance more than anything. The last numbers I had seen were somewhere in the 3-4% range, which doesn't seem high until you consider that Rowan was a 1 in 1400 baby with DS. So numbers aren't exactly comforting to us, no matter how small. The week before the surgery we decided to take family photos. Natalie and I both knew why we wanted the photos, it was in case Rowan didn't make it. We didn't have to say it out loud; we knew. After taking the photos there was a little bit of relief for both of us, not sure why.

The day before the surgery we did pretesting at the hospital to make sure he wasn't getting sick. They had to draw blood and couldn't find a vein in his arm, so they had to use a vein in his head. Not a good sign. He was fine and we got ready for surgery the next day. We got to the hospital at 8AM to get checked in for a 10AM surgery. We ended up running into the sister of a friend from high school there. Her daughter was having heart surgery that day, but a different type. It was a nice distraction from sitting and waiting.We didn't get called for surgery until 1130AM. That was hard to sit and wait and think about what was going to happen. Plus Rowan hadn't eaten since 5AM and was getting hungry, but he just grunted like he was toughing it out. Good sign.

The long walk to the operating room was tough, as we were mentally preparing to drop off our son into the hands of a stranger to cut him open and fix his heart. It didn't help that the gal who "helped" us get to the OR took us to the wrong cardiothoracic OR. They have one just for the kids, she took us to the adult side. On the wrong floor. In the wrong wing. Not very comforting at all. We finally got to the right place and handed Rowan over. This moment was the hardest of all. I can't really explain it, except to say that I had a thought that this might be the last time I held him. I wanted him to be healed, but I was worried of the possibility of mortality. I think Natalie had some of the same thoughts. The funny thing was, as soon as the OR doors closed we were fine. It was out of our hands at that point (it always was, but I think it truly hit us at that moment) and we were at peace. We moved our stuff into the recovery room and took a little nap.

We got news at 230PM that they had just made the first incision at 130PM. We were surprised because they told us that it would only take 30 minutes to prep him. They couldn't get an IV in the kid anywhere, it took 2 hours. The poor kid came out looking like a voodoo doll. We decided to get dinner since he would be late getting out of surgery. It felt odd to leave our son in the hospital having surgery and go eat. We made quick work of dinner and got back ASAP. In the parking garage Natalie's phone rang and they said he would be in the room in 30 minutes. We were so overjoyed. I let out a Whoooohoooo in the garage and startled some people. Who cares. We were on cloud 9 that our boy made it!

We waited in the waiting room while they got him settled, IV tree put together and all the monitors setup. When we saw him for the first time what struck me was that it was going to be a tough road of recovery. I felt like I had been studying for a test, and when I got there the topic had changed and I studied for the wrong thing. I studied for the surgery instead of the recovery. It turns out that I didn't matter. Duh! Rowan was a stud and recovered so quickly that he was out of there in 6 days, when they told us to be prepared for 10-14! He's practically back to normal already and was rolling over, albeit gingerly and he wasn't thrilled once he got on his tummy, just as soon as we got him home. We still have an area of the living room fenced off from his brother so he doesn't get smashed on accident, but Rowan has exceeded our expectations so far.

I hope I didn't bore you with this long essay, but I thought it might be interesting to see my thoughts and emotions during this time. If it wasn't, hopefully you skimmed and will enjoy the pictures.

-E

Immediately after surgery

3 days after surgery

Discharge. This was almost as exciting as leaving with a newborn.

Little Chest

This little chest will be much different the next time you see it. On the outside it will have a long scar from top to bottom. Inside it will have a fully repaired heart that pumps blood efficiently around the body, to those wiggly legs and arms. The heart will last this boy a long lifetime and will surely be filled with love from family, friends and His Lord.

These last few days have been very tough for us, and I'm sure that the next few will be just as difficult. I cannot express deeply enough the love and concern we have felt from our family and friends. I won't mention what you have done for us, but you know. Thank you all again.

We have been holding fast to our Lord in this time, but it is good to recall the specific things He has said to us:
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
"O my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me."
"He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay."

We know that we will not display complete faith during this time, as we have already been anxious, but we feel His presence comforting us. His sovereignty over this situation and intimate knowledge of our feelings certainly is a pillar of strength to us. And of course, we always have this promise "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." This will ultimately work for our good, in His kingdom's favor. We praise the Lord in our time of discomfort.

I am So Thankful....

I know God brings people into our lives for very specific reasons. With some relationships we may never know what that is or how exactly we have impacted each other's lives. For others, it is crystal clear. I began tutoring a girl in math a couple weeks ago, and before we began working together her mom wanted to come by to meet me. In a brief conversation over the phone, I learned that she had just recently lost her third child. He lived for just an hour after birth. She came by to meet me, and I almost felt bad that Rowan was in the room with us. Her son would have been just about Rowan's age. Shortly after that, I began to tutor her oldest child in their home. It didn't take long to find out more of the details of their story as they were very willing to share. Their son had a fatal condition, and they knew before he came that he would not survive. He lived for an hour......and they will tell you they are so thankful! They didn't even think he would be alive when he was born. Every week I am over there, I am reminded of how blessed we are. I almost feel ashamed of any sad feelings I have had about Rowan having Down Syndrome, or any feelings of being "left out" because we now have a child with special needs. I know these are probably very normal emotions and that there's not necessarily anything wrong about feeling them, but God brought this family into my life so that I could see the tremendous blessings we have! I knew this before, but now these blessings seem to shine brighter. Rowan has been given LIFE!! And he has brought such JOY to our family. We had no idea what our lives would be like after he was born. We didn't know how serious his heart condition would be, when he would have to have surgery, etc. Look at him now.....doing SO well. Gaining weight well, only on one heart medication, cooing, smiling, laughing, kicking, lifting his head up, moving, focusing on toys.......WOW. And all of these things because God has chosen to give Rowan life and allow him to flourish!! God, we are SO thankful!! Our two beautiful boys You have chosen for us to raise.....for this we are truly thankful!

Here are some pictures to enjoy. And would you please pray for Rowan's surgery on September 2? We are asking God to give Rowan a long, full and healthy life. Will you pray with us?

Our sweet Rowan baby

smiling at Mama....

What a sweet face!

Scooter boy!

Watching the rain.

Awwwww.....

Graham's tattoo....he asks Daddy for these regularly now. :)

The Brothers

And this is how it all started, just the two of us.....I love you honey.

You are my true love and a wonderful Daddy!!

The poor spaghetti

I was on the computer yesterday and I looked into the Google search bar and what did I see? "dying pasta" was up there. At first I was worried that there was some peer sickly elbow macaronin somewhere that needed a coroner, but then I remembered that I had made pasta for dinner and thought that I didn't kill it too bad. My fears were allayed when I went into the kitchen and this was what I saw:

Whew! My ability to boil water and throw starch into the pot are still unquestioned.

Here are some other cute photos from recent things:

Boys being boys

Graham and Addyson playing in the pool on a night when it was just dads with the kids.

Friends from current and past small groups at the marriage getaway last weekend.

Hiccups

The other night as I was putting Graham to bed, he asked for medicine.

"Why do you need medicine?"
"Because I have hiccups."
"Honey, medicine won't take those away, but when we pray we can ask Jesus to take them away."

So when we prayed, we included asking Jesus to take away Graham's hiccups.

Today, Graham came up to me and said (while hiccupping), "Can you tell Jesus to get my hiccups away?"

Out of the mouth......of my son, Graham. :)

If I really believed

I was reading Oswald Chambers' My Utmost For His Highest yesterday and the reading struck me and I had 5 minutes to think about it and came up with this. Thought I'd share it with you.
Joshua 24:19 "You cannot serve the Lord"
Oswald wrote "If we really believed that God meant what he said- what should we be like?"

My response:
If I really believed God,

1. I would not worry about finances or budgets
2. I would work hard 100% of the time at my job and not be upset about recognition
3. My children would ask more about Him because I'd always talk about Him
4. I'd read more of the Bible because I would want to know Him more
5. He would be my first impulse to consult in a tight spot
6. I'd talk, work, think, drive and do things differently- more reverently; with an eye towards glorifying Him
7. People wouldn't think I was "just a nice guy" because they would be told I was shaped by Him, not of myself
8. I wouldn't rely on my intelligence, education, etc to get me through things- I'd rely on Him with humility
9. My friendships, marriage and relations with other people would be better because I would be more humble and servantlike
10. Peace would be my beggining point each day instead of variable along the stress spectrum
11. I'd talk to Him more, and listen to Him more
12. I would have more turmoil in my life because He would refine me through that, but I could handle it better

How great a life like this could be. Who wouldn't love peace of that level? The irony is; that the harder we strive for this on our own, the further we push it away- like a ball floating in a pool. If I reach for God, He will pull me and the ball toward Himself. We get the ball by gowing toward Him, with His help.

How is your swimming?

-E